An Open Letter To My Mother

I haven’t talked with you properly since January 2020; I dont really want to if im being fully truthful. You have hurt me beyond what i can fully express right now. I dont want a relationship with you; as everyone does, I know you have faults, but after years of keeping hope, you will change you dont.

I can’t keep a positive outlook regarding you; there will be a part of me that remembers the good, but the good is heavily outweighed. You aren’t worth the severe anxiety, loss of sleep and having a full blown panic attack at the thought of you going to call. I will respect you, i will be civil towards you, but i do not want you in my life.

Since January 2020, my anxiety/panic attacks have been minimal, I’ve been happier, and i dont dread every time my phone goes off. I wish you well regardless of the hurt you caused me; I dont know if you fully deserve it, but i do wish you well. I’ve been scared to post this and have rewritten this 10 times, i finally feel confident enough to share this. I still have much to work on and fix on my end, but it’s easier to do knowing im not responsible for my actions and emotions.

I am no longer a rug to get stomped on and manipulated when you choose to do so.

Image by Devanath from Pixabay  

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