This post is rather rambly today but felt right to share in its state. On to the post!
I see many people on social media making resolutions to be healthier part of me knows it’s being pushed by companies who want you to spend money on a gym membership, diet fads or anything else in the vein. I know being healthy is good, but I feel like it’s a generic ideal being pushed onto people regardless of the hurdles and things that make each person different. Healthy means many different things to people; I know for me it’s doing yoga and doing random dances once a week cause any more than that, I will become obsessed with it and ignore eating properly, drinking water, and it never has a good ending. I’ve blocked 24 ads promoting an app to help lose weight and promoting different diets so far since Jan 1st (apps/ads like noom and more).
I hate that app (noom) personally because it sounds like my eating disorder (language and all), and it makes me uncomfortable every time I come across it (usually in an unskippable ad). I report it as irrelevant or uninterested in hopes I never have to see it again. I know they will promote regardless of what I would like to see because January is the biggest month for people to buy into health things (i have done that in the past) and services because December tends to be when we all indulge in some fantastic food and enjoy seasonal treats.
Everybody is made the way they are for a reason; you can change some aspects of it (it’s your body at the end of each day) to match what you see/feel, and thats good, if it keeps you happy im all for it, the only time I worry is if its by negative impact whether internal or external. Self-love is an up and down path; it can circle back, lead you on side trails from the main course, and in the end, it’s what you think that makes any of the difference.
I’ve hated my hair/appearance since I was 11 or so because I looked like my mom, and in a small town, looking like one’s parents may not be something you want to hear every time you run into someone. I started to notice then that the judging looks got more intense, heard more of the rumours running around the town and tried to do what I could to make it seem like I wasn’t like one parent and I was a separate being. Looking back, I should have just asked outright why people were saying what they were and asking what they meant instead of pretending that it wasn’t bothering me and something I was constantly aware of if I left my house. I didn’t have the words/space to let some things out and feel like anyone would hear my voice.
Selflove has shown me that while im a chaotic mess thats slowly going through and unlearning the coping techniques that I’ve built up since I was young (i don’t remember when it started, but I know I learned them) its ok to have days where you dont want to leave your bed, it’s ok to take a break and slow down, and its ok to not feel bad for telling people the truth. Them feeling hurt/sad because they asked and you made sure they wanted to know is not on you. It hurts to be human sometimes, and perfection is not something that can be around all the time and pretending everything is perfect more than likely won’t end well for you or the people around you.
This post is long, I’ve been in my emotions the last few days, and I hope it’s not coming off as too sad/heavy. When there’s a change or an unbalancing happening, I get in my emotions, and I will release the pressure of them by getting it out by being creative, and this is the way thats currently helping to keep me balanced (and keep the intrusive thoughts away). I will be posting more uplifting content in the future; I have a few partly done posts that I haven’t been able to finish. I pulled myself into a tangent, but I do hope that regardless of what you see/hear that you (lovely reader) are happy with who you are changes or not and can find someone who sees that in you, and maybe reminds you should you ever forget.
I’ll be off for the day; I hope you’re having a delightful day and a lovely surprise comes your way! I know the cases have been rising, so I hope you and yours are staying safe and happy!
Till Next Time,
Todays Playlist: Warm Fuzzy Feeling accompanied by a ceiling fan and the sound of typing.
Side note: I highly recommend sitting comfortably, curled up under blankets when writing from the feels. It makes for a comfortable experience and helps to relax while writing.
P.s noom may work for some (if it works for you thats wonderful!) but it’s not something that works for me and what I wrote is just a personal opinion and nothing more.